Sunday, December 29, 2013


I know not by what method rare
But this I know, God answers prayer.
I know that he has given his Word
Which tells me prayer is always heard
And will be answered soon or late
And so I pray and calmly wait.

I know not if the blessing sought
Will come in just the way I thought
But leave my prayers with him alone
Whose will is wiser than my own
Assured that he will grant my quest
Or send some answer far more blessed.
Eliza M. Hickok

I came across this poem today and obviously it really hit home. I just want to thank all of you that are praying for my little boy. It means the world to me. I have heard a couple people say all they can do is offer prayers and I think there is nothing greater. So, thank you again!

Saturday, December 21, 2013


After Beckham's 4th round of chemo I was so amazed at how well he was doing! You would of never guessed that he just had been in the hospitals the last couple days. I was naturally very happy about this. After the previous round of chemo it just made me sick thinking about how awful his treatments can make him feel. This round was was nice. Not entirely nice...but better. Well, a week ago Beckham woke up acting a little different. His energy was about the same...but he didn't want to eat. I checked his temperature. I was immediately nervous. Brian was out of town for the weekend and I potentially had a little boy getting sick. I knew it was very likely he was coming down with something since his ANC was 0 and with no immune system it doesn't take much to knock you down.
The rule they give us is to call if he has a temperature of 100.4 for over an hour or plan on just coming in if he hits 101. Beckham was at about 100.2 most of the day. When they are neutropenic though a fever is not always manifested so you have to watch for other symptoms. Well, I called Primary Children's ER and spoke with a charge nurse at about 7pm. I knew his temp would most likely go up in the night. They told me to bring him right in and thankfully my brother and his wife were able to come right over and watch Navy. My brother decided to head up with me and I'm so glad he did. It was nice to have family with me while I'm stressing out with what could be wrong.

After a few tests and nothing clearly showing up. They decided to admit him. Beckham burst into tears when I told him we were staying at the hospital. He just wanted to go home. I felt so bad for him.

Beckham ended up staying till Tuesday afternoon. The nurses continued to take blood cultures to see if anything would show up. Nothing did though. His fevers would spike and we would have moments where he looked sick. They told me that mostly likely it was just a cold.

When you are neutropenic and when they are unsure of the cause of sickness they put you on a general antibiotic. Between that and two blood (red and platelet) transfusions he seemed to be getting better each day. :)

Brian got back in town last Sunday and was able to come up to the hospital to give me a break. It was really hard for me to leave Beckham this time. He cried when I told him I had to leave and as I walked out he would yell out for me. I eventually had to stop walking in and just keep walking. It broke my heart.
I am sure I drive Beckham nuts, but I hover over him when we are home. I watch his every move looking for any changes or signs that anything is wrong. I try to relax, but it's hard. I worry about him all the time. With that being said he is responding really well to his treatments so far. He has a lot a head of him still, but he is one tough little guy.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Day 3

Day 3 is here and we are getting close to finishing round 4...well kind of close. One of his chemos runs for 24hrs straight per bag...making just the one run 72 hours straight. I have had a harder time with him getting chemo this time around. Sad things have happened recently in one of my cancer support groups and although I am trying to stay positive I have moments where I am just terrified of what Beckham's fate could be. Maybe the holidays have a part in that too. Since we don't know the outcome of this all...I have this mission to make every holiday, birthday, event the best I can make it. I'm in memory mode...creating memories that is...
Anyway, the hospital gives us write ups of the medications that they give Beckham. I, of course, research them more. One of his chemos happens to have a couple nicknames...."red death" and "red devil"....just what a mother wants to read. Why oh why...ugh...I am putting my trust in the doctors though that they know the proper way to heal Beckham. I am doing my best to use alternative methods I have read about, and approved with his doctors, as well. Sigh....I'm one worn out mama.

I think he is over it. I take way too many pictures. The boy needs some space.

Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Round 4

This morning Beckham rolled into the hospital hidden under warm blankets and overnight bags. Rather than wear a beanie and a mask in cold weather he almost always opts out to just be covered over with blankets.

For this round Beckham will be here for 3 days. He's getting 3 chemo fluids each day. The common effect of all 3 is they destroy cancer cells by interfering with the cancer cells growth cycle.
They will be giving him medication for nausea which is the most common side effect.
On a good note the doctor and nurses say that this round is considered a "lighter" round. Meaning that Beckham shouldn't get "really" sick afterwards. They say it's not quite as light as rounds 1&2 but not as heavy as round 3.

Beckham has been so full of energy lately it's really hard to imagine that he has cancer. I'm trying to do my best to take advantage of this time with him.

It's a constant challenge to figure out what Beckham will eat. It's a blessing the cooks downstairs are patient. For dinner tonight all Beckham wanted was club crackers and pepperoni. After bringing up the 3rd! Plate of pepperoni he was finally full. On the 3rd order I had to assure the cook Beckham was eating them and this was no joke:)

- Posted from my iPhone

Location:N Mario Capecchi Dr,Salt Lake City,United States